Personal // It's eating up my brain

Wednesday, November 13

i caught myself doing it again tonight.

i found myself forming a mental list, then started writing it down. 

i wrote down resolutions. goals. plans. dreams.

places i need to improve in. things to let go of. thoughts to stop thinking. things to do.

they were all good things. they are. but should i go down this road again?

is it wrong to write things down so i can track my progress? 

or am i setting myself up on a road to failing perfection again?

how will i ever improve if i don't set up steps to achieve my goals?

or should i go with the flow and let life shape me?

i wanna be good and i wanna be free. but will i just become like that over time?

or will it take a lot of work and a lot of failing before i ever achieve it?

maybe i should write it to get it out of my system so it can eat up the paper. not my brain.

maybe i should try my best to follow my plans, but chill when i mess up.

maybe i need to shut up.

i find it ironic that things i struggle with in real life. things my parents are constantly telling me, follow me onto the basketball court. 

"be confident." "trust yourself." "trust your shot." "stop worrying what people thing." "just relax and do it."

but if i don't second guess myself how will i know i'm making the right choice?

if i just go with the flow and do whatever i think of first, how do i know it's the right thing?

maybe i should sleep.. but maybe i shouldn't.


  1. Shucks, I've been thinking the same thoughts lately. It drives me nuts! :) I guess for me it's just the way I am to make goals and shoot for them, but still I worry about missing them. There's some pin on the-pin-place about shooting for the stars and landing on the moon or something.
    ANYway, I hope that you have (had) a nice sleep and woke up nice and refreshed and not bothered with worries.

    Oh, by the way, I've found continuing to make goals but trying really hard not to worry about missing If you can find a way to stop thinking about missing.... I recite Mark Anthony's speech to the Romans...yeah, I know, I'm weird, but it works. :) (Not the whole thing, I don't have it all memorized yet. Memorizing is funner than I thought it was.)


  2. Writing things out is a great way to process things and let thing breathe. You have to get things out of your head and onto a page for things to make sense sometimes, even if you don't want to look at the things in your head.

    It's hard to not let your brain get so inundated with all of these huge responsibilities and not completely shut down. I've found that even if I think avoidance will be easier than facing the problems, they never turn out to be as big of problems as I thought they would be. You will do great things. You already are :) You will be great. You will find peace. Keep writing. Keep working. Keep living.

    Tightrope to the Sun

  3. Writing progress isn't wrong. Do what you think is right and you can see what God says about it too. Blessings to you Natalia! Life can be hard and challenges will try to trip us, but God is there. Remember that. :))))
    Have a nice day!

    1. Natalia, if you have time please look at my G+ profile: There you can see our new dog!

  4. I love making lists. I use to always write a list of goals at the beginning of each month. (Sometimes incomplete goals from the previous month would even be carried over to the next list.) Writing stuff down is great, but I think it's also nice to take a short break, "go with the flow" on some things, and then come back with a different perspective.