i caught myself doing it again tonight.
i found myself forming a mental list, then started writing it down.
i wrote down resolutions. goals. plans. dreams.
places i need to improve in. things to let go of. thoughts to stop thinking. things to do.
they were all good things. they are. but should i go down this road again?
is it wrong to write things down so i can track my progress?
or am i setting myself up on a road to failing perfection again?
how will i ever improve if i don't set up steps to achieve my goals?
or should i go with the flow and let life shape me?
i wanna be good and i wanna be free. but will i just become like that over time?
or will it take a lot of work and a lot of failing before i ever achieve it?
maybe i should write it to get it out of my system so it can eat up the paper. not my brain.
maybe i should try my best to follow my plans, but chill when i mess up.
maybe i need to shut up.
i find it ironic that things i struggle with in real life. things my parents are constantly telling me, follow me onto the basketball court.
"be confident." "trust yourself." "trust your shot." "stop worrying what people thing." "just relax and do it."
but if i don't second guess myself how will i know i'm making the right choice?
if i just go with the flow and do whatever i think of first, how do i know it's the right thing?
maybe i should sleep.. but maybe i shouldn't.